my new theory

i have a new theory. you know how they say the first love always sticks with you?
well, i've got some experience in that particular field, and i've come to think this:
that first love sticks with you because it was great. at least in my case it was.
and because it was a relationship that just worked, it was easy to connect, we wanted the same things.
i can't remember any other time a relationship worked that good for over two weeks, and i'm being merciful.
so it's only natural to miss that, and to believe that somehow that will happen again.

but, what if it would happen again? if we got that second chance we somehow dream about?
would that connection still be there? would it all be easy and great?
i say no. no way! why? because now, we have all kinds of scars. we have messy exes,
and responsibilities. we have mistakes we are afraid to repeat,
we're scared to death of commitment, we don't wanna get hurt again.
we would put all the weight of the failed relationships into the one that's supposedto be perfect, and screw it up.

which takes me to my conclusion: the reason that first love worked so perfectly, was our inexperience.
off course we made mistakes, but nothing was quite so tragic. there was no ghost haunting us,
no past to compare. we were fresh, and willing to give our best just because we were in love.

those two kids grew up to be two fucked up almost-grown ups,
resented, scared, shouting at their couples on the street, drinking to scape problems,
and screwing up.

not that knowing all this stuff is gonna make me stop missing... that.